CCU "friendship in family"

ASSIGNMENT

CROSS CULTURE UNDERSTANDING

“FRIENDSHIP”

Name of Group :

• Dessy Nila Sari ( 10.1.01.08.0056)
• Jihan Milastyanur F (10.1.01.08.0131)
• Ulin Nova (10.1.01.08.0280)
• Ayu Permatasari (10.1.01.08.0315)

ENGLISH DEPARTMENT

FACULTY OF TEACHER TRAINING AND EDUCATION

UNIVERSITY OF NUSANTARA PGRI KEDIRI

2013

PREFACE

First of all, we would like to express our gratitude unto God, who has been giving the great time to live in this world. Therefore, we can compiled this paper for cross culture understanding assignment.

This paper is aimed to qualify CCU subject. It mainly focus on “Friendship”. This is expected that the readers could learning about it.

This paper is far from being perfect. The suggestion and criticism for the better compilation in the future is happily welcomed.

The writers

TABLE OF CONTENT

TITLE PAGE

PREFACE

TABLE OF CONTENT

CHAPTER 1 : OPENING

1. BACKGROUND
2. THE BENEFIT OF FRIENSHIP
3. THE PURPOSE OF FRIENDSHIP

CHAPTER 2 : DISSCUSION

1. DEFINITION FRIENDSHIP
2. TYPE OF FRIENDSHIP
3. FRIENDSHIP IN FAMILY
4. EXAMPLE OF FRIENDSHIP
5. FRIENDSHIP IN SCHINDLER’S FAMILY

CHAPTER 3 : CLOSING

CONCLUSION

CHAPTER 2 : OPENING

1. BACKGROUND

What can we learn about friendship ?
Friendship depends on several aims that a group of people ( friends ) have together.
But friendship means also to be there for each other. It's good to have friends because without friends live is not complete. In general, friendship has no frontiers. Classes where students have opportunities to communicate with each other help students effectively construct their knowledge if learn about friendship.

2. TH E BENEFIT OF FRIENSHIP

• Hanging out together

Studies show that hanging out with friends may reduce the risk of loneliness. Sure, many prefer solitude over socializing, but no one prefers loneliness. You want to know and feel that others

care about you. Friends care, but it all starts with hanging out, just being there.

• Learning to communicate

The more I hang out with friends, the easier it is for me to open up. In general, that’s probably true for you too. When you and I stop hanging out with others, we tend to retreat into our shells even more. We begin to forget the benefits of open communication and focus only on the fear.Staying in near-constant contact, though, keeps us in practice.

• Sharing ideas

Once the communication starts flowing, you end up trading ideas. Your friends can often tell you how reasonable your ideas are, or what you might need to do to rework them. That feedback then can help direct how you act on those ideas and how you set your goals. And your feedback can do the same for your friend.

• Building accountability
• Ideas are worthless if you never act on them. One of the best ways to get that action going is to create goals around them and share those goals with your friends. Friends force you to actually work toward your goals.That accountability only works, though, if you and your friend are willing to share with one another and call each other out when one’s going the wrong way. Otherwise, accountability is a charade.
• Sharing stuff
• Back when neighbors were neighbors, we used to share things… liberally. No one had a problem lending out a wheelbarrow. And perhaps more interestingly, no one had a problem asking to borrow that wheelbarrow either. Now, we know our neighbors enough to not trust them but not enough to trust them regardless.When you and I build accountability back into our relationships, the opportunity to lend and give freely opens up, not because we have leverage to “get back” at our friends if they trash our stuff but because we care enough about them to share no matter what.
• Sharing friends

Some friends are wonderful just because of the other friends you make through them. Know what I mean?On Facebook, I’ve set up lists to group my friends to keep up with them better. Most of the lists revolve around a location or organization, like church or college, but a couple of those groups center almost completely around a particular friend. After meeting that one person, I was exposed to all the others who eventually became my friends.Not everyone can be that person, but most have at least a couple friends to share. Numbers aren’t as important as the deepness of the connections. I certainly love sharing friends (both on the giving and receiving end) better than sharing other stuff.

• Learning new skills

As your connections grow, your friends will begin to teach you skills you never would have pursued or, in some cases, never even known about. One example that comes to mind for me is yo-yoing. A friend got into yo-yoing, so I followed along. The skills can be much more profound than yo-yoing, though.

• Inspiring one another

Skills are tactics. They’re detailed, but usually fairly low-level actions. Inspiration is strategy. It changes how you live, not just how you act. Inspiration is where you go from learning yo-yo tricks to overhauling your career course to pursue professional entertainment.Inspiration is hard to pinpoint, which is why we’re usually inspired by the lives of people we admire rather than their teachings. As friends influence one another through their specific ideas and skills, inspiration starts to form. We see the combination of all the details in a friend’s life and decide we want to imitate part of it. That’s when our overall, life strategies change.

• Discipling one another

Inspiration only goes so far. From there we have to return to tactics, but this time we apply the tactics through a completely different lens. Once friends align at least some of their overall beliefs, they can feed off each other, teaching one another the details of life through a particular lens.Christianity is a perfect example. When friends decide to submit to Christ’s leadership, they can share advice back and forth along their walk. I believe this is the most effective form of discipleship… the form Jesus commissioned.

• Encouraging one another

For most of us, encouragement is what we need now. You and I don’t need new information – we need the courage to follow-through with what we already know. We need the courage to get back up after we fall down.Friends give us that encouragement. Beyond simple companionship or instruction or inspiration, we need friends we relate to, care about, and as a result give us a reason to continue forward.

3. THE PURPOSE OF FRIENDSHIP

Surround yourself with people who make you happy. People who make you laugh,who help you when you're in need. People who would never take advantage of you. People who worth genuinely care. They are the ones worth keeping in your life. Everyone else in just passing through. And best friends make the good times better and the hard times easier.

CHAPTER 2 : DISSCUSION

FRIENDSHIP

1. DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP

So what really is friendship? While it perhaps is indefinable to perfection, these traits do describe the true meaning – friendship is a unique blend of affection, loyalty, love, respect, trust and loads of fun. Friendship is a feeling of comfort and emotional safety with a person.

Friendships for each one of us start at a very early age, and its importance therefore in a child’s life and his/her wholesome development is extraordinary. Friendship for a child exists in every relationship he/she has – be with the mother, father, sibling, pet or another child. Each of these naturally contributes to the kind of individual a child blossoms into.

Aristotle says: "Your friend is really yourself." Do not make the mistake in thinking that this means satisfying each other's ego. "I'll scratch your back and you scratch mine." It means that your friend is really yourself within the framework of the good that you want for yourself. What you want for yourself regarding the perfection of your personality, your emotional self as well as who you aspire to be in your philosophical self. This you genuinely want for yourself as well as for your friend. You and your friend identify with each other this way, philosophically and intellectually, which is the foundation of your friendship.

2. TYPE OF FRIENSHIP

Professional Friends – This group is for professional networking. At the beginning of the relationship, most of the conversations are about topics of mutual interest in specific professions, and then it can gradually take a more personal turn. In this friendship, the expectation is to learn, exchange information, ideas, concepts and grow professionally. A lot of these friendships are formed in professional organizations like Economic Club of New York, Project Management Institute, and 100 Women in Hedgefunds. Most of these relationships grow deeper when both individuals can provide professional expertise and insights. We can find these friends at workplace also. Sometimes, they take the form of mentors, or someone we can count on in future. As we grow professionally, this group tends to increase more. This is where professional and business etiquette must be practiced.

Social Friends – This group of friendship is formed in social service clubs like Rotary International, Lions Clubs, and Kiwanis International. This group is conscious about social issues and also wants to network in a less formal setting than the professional friends circle. This group of friends volunteers their time, money and efforts to work on social causes, and get public recognition for the same. The budding professionals can take leadership roles to take and execute responsibilities, and to promote and sell their skills. We can also find a group like this in major corporations like Asian Heritage Network group of Citigroup.

Deep/Emotional Friends - Friends in this group are very few. This group of friends tends to have an intellectual appetite, but usually have perceived and experienced life through various relationships. This friends group will be there to support us during the ups and downs of life. Sometimes, we can find these friendships between married women, mother and daughter, close sisters. These are the friends who we will grow old with.

Intellectual Friends – This group has a very curious and intellectual mindset. We can talk about anything without being embarrassed. Friends in this group are very few. The difference between the Emotional and Intellectual friends is that the latter understand situations logically without mixing feelings. Usually this group of friends is considerate, matured, well-developed and have their own fulfilled lives. Sometimes, these groups of friends are so busy in their own pursuits and quests of life that they might not be able to offer the time, but when they do, it is mutually fulfilling.

Self-Actualized Friends – Friends in this group are the perfect combination and are very rare to find. These friends have an amazing appetite for intellectual conversation, are open to discuss about life experiences, take care of their own needs, have less complaints about life in general and respect others views of life. In addition to that, they will love to invest time to grow emotionally, professionally, intellectually, socially, and spiritually, know how to laugh and enjoy life also. These friends will not try to change others, but will appreciate and respect the differences. Probably, we will grow old with this group of friends. The friends in this group volunteer to give us feedback and advice about different aspects of life, not only because they care about us, but want positive things to happen in our lives.

Buddy Friends – This is a very informal group of friends, who meet informally to have a great time together. A lot of Meet Up groups fall under this category. This is the group who are usually college students, high school students, and singles. These friends usually go to the clubs, bars, happy hours, discos. There is not much intellectual connection, professional connection, because the people in this group still does not have the need to explore more serious matters of life, or might not feel the comfort to seek advice on any issues.

School Friends (Memory Revisiting) – There are a lot of friends in this group. If we have not kept in touch, most of them are acquaintances at this stage. Most likely we have changed, since we last saw them and they have changed also. We will meet them at reunions, alumni events. Most of the conversations are nostalgic and about the “good old days”

3. FRIENSHIP IN FAMILY

Friendship In Family

Everyone wants to know they are needed. That in some way they have made a difference in someone else’s life. Take the time to share your feeling with those that have been there for you.
One of the things in life I have found to be most difficult is to tell family how much they mean without it sounding planned or rehearsed or insincere. I’m not talking about your spouse or children, more your siblings or parents. We assume for the most part they know how we feel. After all, they have been in your life from the beginning. Yet there is never a perfect moment to say thanks for making my childhood more fun and mischievous; for the memories you would never want to remember, and those you couldn’t bear to forget. For being the one I looked up to when it seemed there was nobody else to believe in. For keeping me true to myself and the stories of the past from becoming too disproportional. For the push when I didn’t need it that helped me to be tough. For the smile when I didn’t deserve it to help me know life will always work out. For the courage to know when to leave, by doing it first and doing all you set out to do. I learned from you to go out on my own and you always supported my choices. In your eyes you see the same person you have always been, but in my eyes I see so much more than that. You once were my big sister and today are my dearest friend. Find your words and share them.

This forms the basis of any upbringing and goes a long way in deciding the emotional quotient of an individual. By understanding your child’s needs, respecting their likes and dislikes and supporting them in their decisions, we as parents can really help them appreciate other relationships in their life.

Being your child's friend, for example.I remember a moment very clearly from my teen years. My Mum and I had another of our screaming matches and I had stormed off to my room, slamming the door while crying those big, heavy, uncomfortable sobs. I was still sitting on my bed a while later, trying to find some comfort in my space when she knocked and asked to come in. She had cooled off a bit and was trying to reach out. I remember telling her, through all the snot and tears, "I just need you to be my friend." Her response? "I can't be your friend, I'm your parent."

She wasn't trying to be mean, she was buying into the conventional "wisdom" of that time. I remember so well the feeling that solidified for me in that moment. I knew I couldn't trust her. I knew I wouldn't tell her certain things or reach out to her in the same way again. Those words rang in my ears..."I can't be your friend." It stuck. We weren't friends again for a very long time. I loved her and she loved me, always. But the friendship didn't come until I had lived away from home for many years.

This topic came up at the Always Learning list today and I want to share what Pam Sorooshian wrote on this matter. As usual, she put it in such a clear and poetic manner. I will always be my children's parent and friend. One can be both.

Friendship is not only parents and children, but the friendship among siblings is also important.

Friendship/love between siblings is again a unique relationship. It gives a child a special person/partner to confide in, get through tough times together and also learn to compromise and sacrifice, as may be the case with an elder brother and sister among siblings.

Here’s why these bonds have a lifelong influence on a child and his/her development.

- Friendships allow a child to try out different ways to relate to a range of relationships. – give and take, share and compromise.

- These relationships help them learn appropriate social behavior, how to become a leader, how to follow, fairness and how to win and lose gracefully. They learn that different friends and different social situations call for different social behavior and also that not everyone sees things from the same point of view.

- Friendships help children to develop a healthy psyche as they lend to building better self esteem. Experts suggest that a sense of well being has a direct relation to children facing fewer social problems while young and also as they mature.

As parents, we should be mindful, encouraging and empathetic to the importance of friends and friendship in our child’s life, and play and active role in helping him/her make and keep friends. By doing so, we would only be ensuring that our little one is blessed with a lifetime of happiness and success.

4. EXAMPLE OF FRIENDSHIP

Robyn Coburn:

My attitude continues to make the greatest difference to my happiness. Most of my needs are met in joyfully giving and being with my family. Those that are not met that way, are more able to be met when my daughter and husband are already happy and feeling generous. And if I am feeling like I need a break, I can take one in the space of a breath, a memory, a moment, a hug.

Pam Sorooshian:

Something that has rattled around in my head for years is the line, "You're the parent, not their friend." I was just reading a news article and someone was quoted as saying: "Your kids don’t need a 40-year-old friend. They need a parent." What a tragic dichotomy that one little line sets up!

Every single time that line has ever entered my head, it was leading me in the wrong direction. Every time.What is a friend? I'm not talking about the schoolmates teenagers go out partying and drinking with. Not talking about the 5-year-old kid your child happens to play with at the park that day. I'm talking about real friendship.

1. a friend: one attached to another by affection or esteem

Knowing what I know now, with my kids grown, I strongly feel that that that one line, which permeates parental consciousnesses, should be quickly and actively contradicted and rooted out like a pernicious weed every single time it sprouts up.

Instead of "You're the parent, not their friend," substitute, "Be the very very best friend to them you can possibly be."Do your kids need you to be their "40 year old friend?" YES! Children do need to feel attached to their parents "by affection or esteem." What better connection is there than by affection and esteem?AND what's more, parents need their children's friendship, too. Some people seem to think there is something wrong with parents "needing" their children. They act like being mutually attached to each other means children have not become independent enough and parents are being a "burden to their children."A 40-year-old friend isn't going to have the same relationship with a 5-year-old as his/her 5-year-old friends or 10-year-old friends. And parent-child friendships evolve over the years until they are, eventually, adult-with-adult friendships.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be your child's friend. Do what it takes to earn their friendship—be supportive and kind and honest and trustworthy and caring and generous and loyal and fun and interesting and interested in them and all the other things that good friends are to each other. Be the best 40 year old friend you can be (or whatever age you are).

People use "I'm the parent, not a friend," as an excuse to be mean, selfish, and lazy. Instead, be the adult in the friendship. Be mature. You've BEEN a five-year-old and your child has not been a forty-year-old, so you have an advantage in terms of long-term and wider perspective. Use that advantage to be an even better friend. You know how to be kinder and less self-centered and you know how beneficial it is to put forth the effort.

I can honestly say that my children and I are friends. I know they'd say the same. I'm not trying to act like I'm 18 or 21 or 24—I am 57 years old. They're having a "Halo" party at someone else's house tonight and will stay up all night playing video games and I'm not going to go and hang out with them all night and play Halo. I'm going to make a huge platter of deviled eggs for them to take over there, but I'm going to stay home and watch a movie with my husband and go to bed early enough that I'll feel good tomorrow. I'm not 18 and I don't recover as quickly as they do from a night with no sleep. I didn't go to the midnight showing of the Terminator movie the other night, for the same reason. But I was certainly invited and welcome.

My kids are not spoiled brats because I've tried to be their friend. They hold jobs, they manage money, they make good and responsible decisions. We are very strongly "attached by affection and esteem."

I wish I could wipe that expression out of everybody's minds and replace it with "Be the best friend to your children that you can be."

5. FRIENDSHIP IN SCHINDLER’S FAMILY

Schindler’s family

1. Dessy Nila Sari : Dennise Schindler
2. Jihan Milastyanur Fardilasai : Mila Schindler
3. Ulin Nova Ardiani : Pauline Schindler
4. Ayu Permatasari : Math Schindler

Friendship

Friendship is the most important value in our family, the first when the children grow up became society, for example in the age of senior high school, sometimes many problem comes especially about love. They may feel embarrassed talk about their love problem to family , but as their family we tired to be their friends. Listen to their love problems, and give advice if they need.

The second when they grow up became employee. When they have problem at work of course we can not help, because we work differently, for example they want to top working because their work was too hard as a family and also their friends we will reminded them , whether they took the decision? How about their future.

“A true friends is someone you can disagree with and still remain friends. For it not, they weren’t true friends in the first place “ Sandy Ratliff Quotes

CHAPTER 3 : CLOSING

CONCLUSION

friendship are the flowers in the garden of life. A true friends laughs at your stories even when they're not good,and sympathizies with your trobles even they're not so bad. And thought miles may lie between us we are never far apart, for frienship doesn't count miles its measured by heart. A fiends is someone who know the song to your heart and sing it to you when you forget the word.